I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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