$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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