her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just high enough for therapy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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