K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
