i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
