After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
