She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
false alarm. still invincible.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
