His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
