And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
