I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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