I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
