I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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