White coat. Heels.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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