You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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