Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
