eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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