Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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