I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
