..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
