State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
