i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
