She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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