yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
