sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
