she was so not down for the gang bang
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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