So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
