Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
