I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize