When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
