my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
