Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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