i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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