i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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