I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
