I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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