And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
