he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND