Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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