just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?