Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I want her autograph on my taint
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
