dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
