Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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