Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
