One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
