i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
