I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
