we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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