I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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