i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
