At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
