:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
