Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
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The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
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