I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
