i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
