I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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