All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
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the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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