so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
