TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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