no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
