so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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