he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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