I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
