And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
