Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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