chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
