Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
