I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
