the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
