ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
