Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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