I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
