At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
