is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
