Can i not drive my cunt home
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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