I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
