and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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