I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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