Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
